Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
either way he was missing a nipple.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
