Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.