my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
