she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes