dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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