That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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