he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
