Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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