i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
