im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
