So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
