I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
