It's like God shit irony all over that family
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
