He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
