plz talk dirty to me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
