i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
