Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Drunk is a universal language darling
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
