Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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