If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
