she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
