I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did i walk over a car last night?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize