bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
