weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What drink are we having for lunch?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
