Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
