Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
