So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need moral support for this bender
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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