Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
