Where did you get a picture of my penis
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize