So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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