Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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