I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
