I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
