He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
