shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
