Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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