i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
