he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
