He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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