he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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