About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
