you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My pussy is not your playground.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize