she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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