Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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