Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
