Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
