I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
