I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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