i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
