we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
