Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
