only if we run a train.
done.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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