idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
do herpes really smell.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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