We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
