I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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