A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
