my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
