Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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