Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
