Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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