A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
