Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
please come you make the beer taste better
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
