what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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