She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
