Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
