At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
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he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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