Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm always down for nudity.
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