I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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