I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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